Tuesday, February 26, 2013

9 weeks - Heard heartbeat on Doppler :)

This is it.  The week our miscarriage happened in last time.  So far, I have just had mild spotting and bleeding, usually just following ultrasounds and I am feeling pretty positive about this pregnancy.  All the same, I will be quite happy to be past the 9w4d mark! Here is a run down of the past week's pregnancy happenings:

Symptoms:
 
Nausea has gotten out of control and now lasts from whenever I first eat until I go to bed, Still getting up 1-2 times a night to pee, very vivid dreams that are unfortunately usually nightmares (usually about serial killers), maybe slightly fuller boobs (or maybe wishful thinking), and continued Super Smell

Food Aversions:

Anything with a strong smell


Cravings:
Fresh Fruits (especially Bananas) and Junk food

Weight Gain:
0.4 pounds total!!!

 
Great Moments/Milestones:
Was able to hear baby's heartbeat on the Doppler today
 
 
Size of Baby:

Cherry or Green Olive (0.9 in/0.07 oz)


 

Thursday, February 21, 2013

8w2d ultrasound - Our squishy gummy bear

Today is our last visit with Dr. Thie.  After this, we are no longer considered special infertile people but just part of the normal pregnant population which is a milestone of sorts I guess.  I am both excited and nervous for this appointment.  Obviously I am very excited to see the baby and the growth that has occurred since our last little peek. I am excited to make sure that he or she is still okay.  I am nervous because I have gotten used to checking in on the baby and am afraid to leave this special doctor with her frequent ultrasounds for a regular doctor.  I did buy a Doppler machine to use at home but I am not sure how far along I will need to be before I will be able to hear anything, especially considering I am not starting out a skinny girl.

The visit was quick and smooth this time.  Dr. Thie herself came out to take me back to the ultrasound room and after a brief pause to let me get undressed and covered back up on the table she did the ultrasound.  I was literally SHOCKED by how much bigger the baby is! I am so used to only seeing the blobs (1st pregnancy was all blobs, this pregnancy was blobs so far) that to be able to clearly make out a head, a body and even tiny little arm and leg buds was AMAZING! And then the most important thing, that tiny little flicker in the middle of it all that said I am still here mommy, my heart is still beating, don't worry :)  It was an awesome experience.  To top off the awesomeness, I will soon be switching from Progesterone in Oil injections (OUCH!) to progesterone suppositories which I will need to stay on until 12 weeks.  From experience, the suppositories are messy and not the most fun, but my booty needs a break from being treated like a very large pin cushion. Without further ado, here is the picture of our sweet baby.  Today the baby measured 8w4d along, so two whole days ahead :) You just keeping growing in there big guy (or girl).

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

8 weeks

Time is moving SO slowly. Days seem to take a week to go by but we are now at 8 weeks with only 2 weeks to go to get past our previous miscarriage milestone. Other than the dragging of time, this has been a pretty good week.  Most importantly, I am VERY excited to see the baby again at our final RE appointment on Thursday :)

Symptoms:
 
Night time pee fest continues, occasional nausea, occassional tiredness, super smell BUT the good news is my normal pants are back to feeling normal so I guess I was just bloated before and won't be the fattest pregnant lady ever! :) 

Food Aversions:

Anything with a strong smell and also, and I am very surprised to say this, but ice cream usually sounds TERRIBLE right now (which is quite out of character for me)


Cravings:
Fresh Fruits, Cinnamon Applesauce, and Popsicles
Weight Gain:
 
None - Back to starting weight :) LOVE it!
 
Great Moments/Milestones:
 
 
Upcoming ultrasound in 2 days

Size of Baby:

Raspberry (0.63 in/0.04 oz)
 
 

Thursday, February 14, 2013

Valentine's Day

My dear husband Eric is quite the cutie :) This Valentine's Day he brought me home a dozen beautfiul yellow roses (becuase yellow is my favorite color), a heart shaped box of Kit-Kats, and a book about Love.  We stayed in tonight as fighting the crowds is not romantic for us.  Eric cooked some lovely pork chops and we gave each other nice back massages, took a walk, and watched a movie together. All in all, a lovely day.  Here is a picture of my roses for you to enjoy:

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

7 weeks

We have made it to 7 weeks, just 3 weeks to go until we make it to the first major milestone (our previous pregnancy miscarried at 9w4d so at 10 weeks we will be farther along than we have been before!).  Today is also my oldest nephew Dylan's royal birthday.  According to my mom's mom, the royal birthday is the birthday on which you turn the same age as the date of your birthday, so for example, Dylan is turning 12 on Feb 12th.  Eric and I are scheduled to head down to Mom's for a visit and dinner later today to celebrate :) 

This week I also want to start keeping a pregnancy tracker of sorts to track the progress of this pregnancy over time.  I probably will not do belly bump shots as those of you who know me know that the stress and depression of these last several years of infertility have already added a pretty good sized bump anyway :( Oh well, that is a problem to be tackled at a later time! Without further ado, the pregnancy tracker:

Symptoms:
 
Frequent Urination at night only (which does not help symptom 2), Fatigue, Occasional Nausea (worse in the evening this week), Super Smell, Uncomfortable when trying to sleep or wearing pants (oh sweat pants, you are my new best friend!), Spotting/Bleeding (which causes an additional symptom of nervousness) and Sore boobies (sorry future baby, it happens) 
Food Aversions:
 
Anything with a strong smell

Cravings:

Fresh Fruits (especially Cuties)

Weight Gain:
 
2.4 pounds - not great but not terrible


 
 

Great Moments/Milestones:
 
Getting to see the baby's heartbeat


Size of Baby:

Blueberry

 

Saturday, February 9, 2013

Baby Blanket Progress

I am trying to make a baby blanket in time for the jellybean's arrival.  There are 13 jungle babies to cross-stitch onto the blanket and today at 6w4d I have finished the first one and it looks great but I am going to need to get quicker to get them all done in time :)  Here is a picture of the first square.

Friday, February 8, 2013

6w3d Ultrasound

Today we got to go in for our second ultrasound at 6w3d.  I had to be weighed at this visit (YIKES!) and then was asked to empty my bladder, undress from the waist down, and wait for the doctor to come in to do the ultrasound.  As a veteran of many, MANY a vaginal ultrasound now, I know the trick is to undress and dive under the tiny square of paper given to protect your modesty as quickly as possible since the doctor could come walking through the door anywhere from 15 seconds to 15 minutes after the instruction to undress is given.  So I make quick work of undressing as Eric guards the door and then we assume our positions to begin waiting for the doctor at around 10:40.  We talk about our nervousness regarding the last week's spotting, how anxious we are to see the heartbeat and how we are both slightly concerned we won't see one.  We talk about the lunch Eric is going to after the appointment, when our next doctor's appointment is likely to be, etc, etc, etc.  Around 11, after 20 minutes of sitting there half naked on a somewhat cold day in a not quite warm room, my conversation starts to turn to how long the doctor is going to take. I tell Eric if she is not in by 11, I will go out half naked to find her.  By 11:10, I am growing QUITE impatient and trying to convince Eric to go check how long it is going to be.  By 11:15, I insist he needs to go tell them my lady parts are developing signs of hypothermia and to ask if I can just wait with my pants on but FINALLY, at 11:18, the doctor comes in and I swallow my mounting irritation to discuss my spotting concerns and get the ultrasound started.  Within seconds, the gestational sac comes up on the screen (Whew, still pregnant!) and a quick zoom in shows our jellybean with the cutest little flickering heartbeat and all my irritation about the delay and the indignity of my pants-less situation melts like summer snow. 

We have a baby and its heart is beating. 

(The baby is between the plus signs...you can't see its heart beating but trust me, it is)
 
We have been here before and I know that this is no guarantee that this baby will stay with me, but for this moment, I am pregnant and the baby looks as perfectly perfect as any mother could dream. I am indescribably happy and schedule my final appointment with the RE's office for Feb 21st (8w2d) at 3:30 pm.

I float on cloud 9 from the office and stop at the store on the way home to do some grocery shopping.  I want to show the other shoppers and the cashier my tiny jelly bean photo but I somehow manage to restrain myself. I drive home thinking how silly I have been to be so worried about this pregnancy since a single previous miscarriage DOES NOT mean that you will miscarry every baby you ever conceive....and disaster strikes. While walking through the door, I feel a warm gush and head to the bathroom to confirm my fear.

I am bleeding.

Bright red, brand new blood, has pooled in my undergarments and trickled down my leg.  All my previous calm and happiness vanishes and I assume that now this pregnancy is EXACTLY like that last one. I call my mom, and I start to cry, and cry, and cry, and cry.  They are not kidding when they say pregnant women are emotional.  Even after the first 30 minutes of crying when I start mentally pulling it together and telling myself that the bleeding could just be due to cervical irritation after the ultrasound, I cannot turn off the water works. Adam (the most awesome brother in the world) texts me links of other people with the same experience due to ultrasound and still I cry.  I am a nurse. I know this can be NORMAL but because I lost my first baby, and because it took over a year and a half, a complete medical team, and a brand new cars worth of money to finally get pregnant again, I can only see the failure and the inadequacy of my body to do what it needs to do to make a healthy baby.

Talk about an emotional roller coaster. I have a feeling this is not the last of my worries for this pregnancy and I know that I will not begin to feel truly comfortable until we get to at least 10-12 weeks and put the time frame of the last miscarriage and this first risky trimester behind us, but, for now, I have found the emotional even ground and I will continue to hope and pray with every ounce of strength in my soul that this baby will grow to be the wonderfully healthy, beautiful child that I know Eric and I are meant to have.

Friday, February 1, 2013

5w3d ultrasound...Please be there little bean!

Wow, was it ever a bad idea to pick an afternoon appointment for this ultrasound!  I have been up since about 7 am (Eric wakes me up every morning for the delightful task of injecting Progesterone in oil into my tushie using a 1.5 inch long needle...SUPER fun!) Anyhow, today I cannot fall asleep again following this injection as I am excited for the ultrasound this afternoon.  As the day progresses though (and it does progress, though VERY, VERY slowly), my excitement to see the bean starts to turn into fear that there will be NO bean...or a bean in the one and only tube I have, or some other horrible reason why a million pregnancy tests have been positive but I am not truly pregnant.  I am completely stressed by 11 am and the appointment is not until 1:45. I try to distract myself with TV (not diverting enough), with the Internet (mistake!), and by taking a nap (not actually going to happen)...Eventually it is time to go and I bundle up my courage and head out.

We are taken back very quickly to the ultrasound room (a pleasant surprise) and Becca (the medical assistant) gets my blood pressure before heading in...it is High at 132/90.  She asks if there is any reason it might be high today (I usually run 112-120/70s).  I mention my stress/anxiety and she smiles at me and we move on. The doctor is in lickity split and it is the moment of truth...Eric holds my hand and I hold my breath and we see:


One gestational sac with a yolk sac and a very tiny, sesame seed sized fetal pole (it is between the two plus signs).  We definitely have a baby! It is in the right place! This really WORKED!!!! There are many hurdles to overcome and anything could happen at any moment but for now I rejoice in the knowledge that I am in this moment, a MOTHER :) :) :)